“ The first step is to make a self-questioning about the expectations placed on the other person and then dialogue to see if the expectations are corresponding and, if not, seek understanding of the possible paths”
A lot of people shy away from discussing the relationship. Arguing is bad enough, and if the relationship needs debate, something is wrong… at least for one of the two of the couple.
Talking about expectations and exposing points that need to be improved is fundamental to a good relationship. If there is no argument between the couple, it may be a sign that one of the two is canceling each other out and putting their heads down too much. This will never be useful for the future of the relationship.
Talking openly serves to create and strengthen bonds, expose likes, dislikes, and thus create the connections that are the great foundation of a relationship for two. But that’s not always how it happens. Many people marry or enter into relationships without talking about the needs of those involved. Our culture does not encourage this exchange of information and exposure to feelings in a healthy and constructive way.
If a couple is not taught to talk about everyday life, about the couple’s plans, will they talk about sex?
Sex, sexual activities, sexual behaviors are the last to be discussed between the couple. The problem stems from the idea that sex is natural and doesn’t need to be learned. But the fact is that it needs to be learned and when we talk about sex we are not referring to “natural” sex, which would be reproduction, having children. At this point, the couple talks, plans, and even seeks to overcome sexual problems by seeking help from sexologist in Noida to have children under assisted fertilization so that they don’t even need to have sex. So, the sexual problem continues.
What many couples need to understand is that this omission does not change feelings and upsets, on the contrary.
Sex will be more complicated with the lack of talking about wants and needs. Exposing sexual fantasies is extremely important for couples who consider sex to be important.
Of course, many couples exist with other bases and not sexual relationships. Sex can be something that is out of the couple’s relationship agreement… living socially can be more important.
The great key point for communication with the other to be healthy is to recognize that each one knows what is expected of him in the conversation to put to the other. The first step is to make a self-questioning about the expectations placed on the other person and then dialogue to see if the expectations are corresponding and, if not, seek understanding of the possible paths.
Talking about sex, in adults, cannot contain infantilized ways to refer to genitals and sexual activities. Adult sex is sex! To talk about sex, you have to use the words that mean sex! If you think these are dirty words, the problem is individual and deserves some time in psychotherapy to be able to address sex in a healthy and useful way for you, and then for the couple.
Talking about sex does not correspond to the stereotype of asking after sex: “Was it good for you too?” In fact, it implies first stating how satisfied you were with what you have just done. It is the role of the other to respond at the same time!
The biggest problem for couples is that they are not in the habit of dialogue. Thus, they will have great difficulties in producing a healthy and useful conversation for the improvement and future of the couple.
The couple’s communication, discussing the relationship need to be guided by a project for the couple’s future. This project needs to include sexual activities, understand that they are developed in this couple, built, planned, and tested to know what they want, what they can, and what they can do about sex.